A recently published exposé of notorious rock 'n' roll band uncovers new dirt on pornographic pop princess Madonna. Have a Foaming Boner Colon: Flushing Through the Feces with the Butthole Surfers by writer Flemish Yorge Gonzales details Madonna's involvement with the scatological acid-rock band the Butthole Surfers.

The unauthorized account of Gonzales' years as mucous procurer for Surfers lead singer Gibson Haynes claims the band created the persona of the Material Girl known for spending her entire 10-year perch at the top of the pop world flaunting her contempt for sexual mores and family values to establish an international drug distribution network for the sole purpose of pumping money into the band's career.

"That's us playing on Madonna's records!" says Haynes. "Our drummer King is singing all Madonna's hits! She doesn't exist! King is actually onstage during Madonna's performances, and her movies and videos! There's a hologram of Madonna enshrouding him."

The band whose latest release is titled Independent Worm Saloon and features songs like "Chewin' George Lucas' Chocolate." "Dog Inside Your Body" and "The Ballad of Naked Man" realized at the beginning of their career that their true intentions would never enable them to support themselves. Therefore, they created the "Madonna" alter ego as a more commercially viable entity whose earnings would be pumped into the drug operation. The drug proceeds have conversely allowed them the freedom to create such noxious sonic aberrations as Another Man's Sac.

Profits from the drug sales then went into a Norwegian bank account. With the hefty interest this account compounded onto the already filthy lucre, these four indecent Texas punk rockers were able to purchase musical equipment and studio time used to create their own version of the most heinous, drug-addled rock "music" to warp our youth's minds yet!

The Butthole Surfers formed by Haynes (known professionally as "Gibby") and Leary in the early '80s, and also featuring bass player Jeff Pinkus and a percussionist only identified as "King" have abused the soiled cash through several privately released records and sickening, pornographic concert spectacles which make Madonna's X-rated antics seem positively tame. Consequently, the band has been rewarded with a major recording contract with noted Satanic Corporation Capitol Records, which was once the home of the Beatles. Similarly, Capitol's English parent Corporation, EMI, once released recordings by the similarly heinous English band, the Sex Pistols.

Other repulsive claims made by the book include:

* Haynes is a polygamist with 15 wives and 3 husbands.

* The singer's right big toe is actually that of famous jazz musician, John Coltrane.

* An Apollo astronaut has been held captive for years in the closet of Suffers guitar player

Paul Leary!

* The band's drummer suffers from a rare birth defect, giving him two right eyes!.

When contacted by our reporters, the band did not deny the book's accusations.

"Flemish Yorge (pronounced "Your-HAY") always copped shitty snot for my collection," snarls Haynes, the son of a Dallas children's TV show host named "Mr. Peppermint."

"I only wanted prime-grade mucous for my collection, and the stuff Yorge brought me was weak. So, now I'm payin' him unemployment for the next six years! Do you know how many hot rods I could buy with that cash? I mean, if he wants to write a shitty book about us now that we're stinkin' rich, let him."

"It is true I have Apollo astronaut Virgil Grissoms alive in my closet," says Leary, who has made guitar sounds known 10 induce nausea in most right thinking people.

"He's constantly got headphones on," says Haynes of Grissoms, "with 120 dBs of [communist San Francisco hardcore punk band] MDC playing. He especially likes their song, 'Tofutti.' And 'Missles Destroyed Civilization' from the P.E.A.C.E. album.

"He doesn't talk much anymore." he continues. "He just draws. We just put a pad in there and he draws. We've been selling his artwork for years. That's how Madonna originally got her initial investment to start the drug business."

Leary says the astronaut is fed substances which are "like C-rations, but they're made for space. A lotta Tang and Pillsbury Space Food Sticks. Sometimes, I have to get him popsicles and things. HEB doesn't always carry the Space Food Sticks."

Haynes also does not deny the book's accusations of polygamy on his part. In fact, he flagrantly flaunts the names of several key figures in the acting and music businesses as being matrimonially linked to him. "I'm secretly married to Siouxsie of Siouxsie and the Banshees," says the singer once noted for wearing clothespins in his hair. He also claims to be husband to actresses Mary Stewart Masterson, Vanessa Redgrave, and Mary Steenbergen.

Even more scandalously, the degenerate warbler claims one of his husbands is English rock star John Entwhistle, who played bass for the notoriously destructive band "The Who" and with whom guitar player Peter Townsend publicly, confessed two years ago to having had homosexual experiences.

When asked why he did not choose Townsend, Haynes replied, "Because he didn't choose me."

It is also true, claims the singer, that he bears the toe of jazz legend John Coltrane on one foot.

"I was in a car wreck," says Haynes" and we ended up in the same hospital for some reason.

Our toes got mixed up and the doctors sewed his on my right foot."

And there is truth to the claim that drummer "King" is a rare two-eyed Cyclops.

"I get by," explains the drummer. "I manage. I go to the Texas State School for the Blind. We've been selling the astronaut's artwork, and it's paid for my therapy."

King's form of dual cyclopia has reduced him to having the 1 equivalent of two right eyes, which conversely means his brain is composed of two right hemispheres. The therapy, administered by his sister (one lime Butthole Surfers tandem drummer Teresa, who retired from the band to work at the school), has enabled the drummer to overcome his resulting lack of power of speech.

Madonna could not be reached for comment.